Be forewarned....there will be lots of references to #1 and #2. This will not be a sophisticated, well-vocabed post. The word poop is used 47 times. Not for the faint of stomach. Turn back now if needed!
Here it is!
1. Boys will be boys.... these days I can't turn my back for 10 seconds without turning back to discover L 'watering the lawn'. Seems great, until you are in a park along side a highway. I just stood in a strategic spot that shielded him from as much traffic as possible. "Oh, hi neighbors!"
2. I estimate 78% of my at home time is now spent in a bathroom. I have taken to multitasking so if you receive a text from me, I just might be sitting on a stool waiting for the 'magic' to happen (who knows...I could be in a bathroom right now.....). This leads me to #3.
3. Apparently going to the bathroom is a group activity. I think my kids must follow the tree-falls-in-the-woods philosophy, if I'm not there to see it, then it doesn't exist. Never been so excited to see a 'log' drop in my life. "Mom, get in here!"
4. Little boy tip: sit them backwards on a grown up sized toilet...this has saved me an estimate of 387 hours of clean up time.
5. My kids lie.... "Did you poop?" "No." "Then what is that laying on the ground?"
6. Bathtub peeing is the best. L purposely holds it so he can pee in the bathtub. Gross? Yes. Do I allow it? Hey, I never claimed I was going for a mom of the year award. In my defense I do remind him 'Just don't pee on your brother'. That's got to count for something.
7. Bathtub pooping is NOT the best. Luckily this very rarely happens in my house. But, a couple days ago B was taking a shower and I noticed 'something' clogging the drain. I said, "Oh no, is that poop?" He notices it, screams, and runs to the other end of the tub. Um, why the surprise? You made it. #doody! (This is the 2nd time I've told a story like this on this blog...I hope you are impressed with the maturity of content I am providing you.)
8. They lie (did I mention that already?). Do not believe them when they say "But I'm potty trained, I can wear undies to bed" and than pee in your brand new bed that you don't even have a liner for yet. Not that I'm bitter.
9. Buy LOTS of undies!!!! We are constantly on the last pair, it's like they can sense it "there are more clean underwear in this house, I must pee in it!" Also, I got each boy a clearly different style and that helps a TON when sorting laundry.
10.Which reminds me.... Laundry. Minimum one load per day...minimum. And I'm ignoring the fact that almost all of my clothes have now been washed with pee or poop. Well, I was ignoring it and now I'm thinking about it. I might have to go shopping. For cleanliness purposes only of course. When does my next Stitchfix arrive?
Well people, there you have my 10 totally useless tips on potty training. When you see me next you can thank me, hope I'm wearing new clothes, or notice I am strategically blocking a bare butt.